mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
