I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
