am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
