i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
