Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
