I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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