your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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