She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
