I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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