I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
