You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
