Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
