I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
