When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
