so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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