Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
