She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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