I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
