Someone shit on the floor
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
