No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
