Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
