...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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