I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I love you. Go after that dick
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
