i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
