Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
