He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
