Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
