Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
