I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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