i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
