Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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