you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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