I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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