This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
