Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
