I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
