I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
