If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
