Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Panties = found
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
