thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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