Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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