do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
