You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
