So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you traded sex for a burrito?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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