I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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