lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
