Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
