Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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