My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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