ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
