Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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