Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
