C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
