I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
