i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
