This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
