I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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