Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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