i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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