So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
