I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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