wanna go halves on a baby?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
