the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize