I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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